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January 29, 2015
I have joined this forum robot I my try & help my husband, but for my own sanity too.
My husband & I have been together for almost 6 years & since I met him then (he was only 22) he has always been a gambler.. But it has progressively gotten worse.
His behaviour, his affection, his once beautiful honest personality has been overshadowed by this evil, compulsive liar, who doesn't care who he hurts or how often he hurts them..
His gambling addiction is mainly on sports/ horses & the occasional flutter on the pokies.. But honestly, he would bet on anything he could with every last dollar he has.
He lies about where he is & what he is doing.
He lies about where his money has gone & how much has actually lost to gambling.
There has been times where he has stolen money from me, sold possessions & still to this day,even after I know the truth, he denies many of the wrong things he has done.
He has had instances where he has gambled his entire wage in a day & then made reasons up as to where it has gone.. "I havnt been paid yet..".... "The accounts lady has gone away".. "I will be paid late this week.."
The list is endless of excuses.
He has made promise after promise to give it all up.. To stop the gambling, to stop the lies... But after a few days or weeks the lies begin & the gambling takes over.
There is constant arguing, there is no trust, no respect & no love left in this marriage because of his hurtful actions.
He has destroyed his family & ultimately his marriage because he can't take control.
I have tried every avenue.. The loving, caring wife. The person who is forgiving & only tries to help..
I have been more than upset, angry,everything you can possibly think of... And finally after nearly 6 years, I just can't do it anymore.
He won't get help & he can't do it alone.
Ultimately I'm sick of being lied to & hurt beyond words.
Gambling is a disease, but if he chooses to let it control his life, then he will have the biggest loss of his life.. All those people who love him.
Please help me help him.
He's so stubborn & is too proud to reach out for help..
June 22, 2014
I am sorry to read that you're going through all that. He is in a vicious cycle that keeps him doing all that again and again.
I don't know what is his underlying issues, it can be many things from triggers (e.g. no money so needs to get more money) to false beliefs (e.g. gambling can bring me more money). He would need to break his pattern and come out of it.
Habits formed from many years of gambling maybe eradicated by interrupting the patterns contributing to the habit.
If you can, try the Gambling treatment clinic at the University of Sydney, see if he is willing to make an appointment there. In addition, i would also suggest you and him to try to see someone for couple therapy, either together or alone.
If it is false beliefs (if i study this horse, i am sure i can win this bet etc... or this pokie machine is going to pay out soon after i put so much money into it...) then the Gambling Treatment Clinic in Sydney can help to rectify these false beliefs.
If the underlying issues are emotional (e.g I am not happy with life, my job sucks, gambling soothes me, gambling is a great escape from problems, needing excitement in lfe...) then getting help from a therapist will help.
A lot of times it is our perception of how things should be, how life should be, that is making our life miserable. It is the meaning we give to situations, or events that happens to us or others, define our emotional feel to them. Changing how we perceive or interpret things can make a huge difference to our lives.
If you need someone to talk to, you can find my contact from my blog: http://silvialining.blogspot.com.au/
Take care and hope you two can find a way.
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