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February 13, 2016
last year my husband - who has a always gambled- lost massively online betting via his credit cards. The first time it happened I told him it support him in getting help, he was so devastated, ashamed and remorseful. 8 days later he told me he was just drunk and having a bad time of things and that he wasn't addicted to gambling, it was just a stupid mistake. That was £400. We fought and argued about him wanting to gamble again, he had PROMISED me he would stop and that's a big deal to me. So off he went and gambled again leaving me home with 2 children. Within 3 weeks it happened again, this time was £1400, basically his monthly wage (on credit card) again online while drunk. I told him that this was it, I'd give him a last chance for our baby and his older boy, but that he had to get help and go to GA, he agreed and gave me all his credit cards, cash and deactivated his online accounts. He went to GA every week a 40 mile round trip and despite it obviously being difficult for him he was doing it for us, his family. He would come home after a meeting and say how scared he was, that he didn't want things to get that bad, that he could aw so many personality traits in those people in himself. Now 6mths later he's all of a sudden said he's not addicted, he's not like those people, he was just going through a bad time and he can control it. I've tried my best to be understanding, I've listened and done everything in my power to be there for him but I truly believe he does have an addiction. If he didn't then abstaining for 6 mths would have been a non issue, but it wasn't, it was hard for him, he cried and got angry and frustrated and was tempted to gamble many, many times. Now he says it's making him unhappy, he's bored, has no social life and is sick of being poor. He can't seem to hear me when I'm telling him how concerned I am and how I don't trust him to stay in control. So I've had to tell him that if he chooses to gamble I won't be his wife and endanger our children's futures. So tonight he's arranged to go to the casino with his friend (who has a massive gambling problem). I really need some advice, am u being unfair and unreasonable? Am I right to be scared? What do I do??
February 13, 2014
Thanks for your post - it really sounds like you could do with some support at the moment!
From the sounds of it, your concern for your husband seems reasonable - it does sound like he has a gambling problem and is perhaps in denial about it. Often a person who is gambling may swing back and forth from 'I have a problem' to 'I don't have a problem and I can control it'. It sounds as if there is a part of him that isn't quite ready to stop yet. Possibly he believes he can still win money by gambling, or he hasn't found other activities to replace the gambling, and so is bored.
My advice would be for you to speak a bit more in depth with a gambling counsellor - if you are in NSW you can call us on 1800 858 858 to get some advice and support about what to do. There are free face to face counselling services that can help both you and your husband with the issue.
If you're out of Australia then I would recommend you call your local community health service or gambling support service to access some counselling. This issue that you have mentioned is really complex and it sounds as if it will be good for you to have someone who has a knowledge of gambling and change to support you.
Other than that, it is great that you are looking for advice and support about this. It is such a difficult issue to deal with but it looks like you are on the right track.
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