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January 31, 2015
In an attempt to forgive myself and stop the self loathing I am going to try and articulate my pokies pain...I used to consider myself disiplined and logical but my relationship with poker machines have forced me to question everything i thought i was. I was paid my carers allowance on Thursday and i have lost the lot chasing the initial $150. I was compensated an insulting amount of money from the state a few months ago for gang rape when i was 15, 20 years ago. Ive lost almost $2000, half of the monetary comp trying to chase my loses and make the numbers more reflective of my trauma..after paying my rego I have 500 left and I truely hate myself right now and I know its my fault, and i feel like a hypocrite for posting because I caused this and now Im whinging about being poor but I feel so trapped in my mind and im so desperate to quieten it so ill try anything because its Im not sure what to do...
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