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Around 13 years ago I had a decent win on the pokies and have more or less been chasing that ever since.I seen a councilor in 2000 which helped at the time, but over the years I have used the pokies as an escape when life got too hard, sitting there mindlessly hitting the buttons, never less than $2 a hit, switching off to the world and feeding the machine with hard earnt money.If I won I would up the bet & keep going, only stopping when I got a decent win or the money simply vanished, more often than not it was the latter that stopped me.The last couple of years I have managed to stay away from the pokies bar the odd occasion.Like yesterday, it seems I get in self destruct mode, hit the machines and clean out the bank account, this has happened twice in the last 12 months,I have managed to stay away from venues with machines, but when I dont its fuzzy & very destructive, not only to the bank account but to my relationships, and state of mind.Its like a switch goes and there is no stopping until the funds run out.I couldnt even say if I had a 'win' or not, the whole episode is more or less blank & this is scaring me.I have not only hurt those who love and support me, I am extremely angry at myself & my self worth is at rock bottom, short of living as a hermit with no access to money I am at a loss as to what to do.